Breaking Apart

My anger almost burst out of control from my bottom of heart.. luckily the fire beneath myself turn down with the control of my will.. i'm having trouble to wake myself to work now.. no motivation.. like a dead fish u know.. being in such a condition do remind me alot of the past.. seem like a rewind through my life.. i thought this only happen at the moment u r dying.. is it true.. my time has come? break out of it.. ok.. sorry.. i'm back.. too much thinking make a person go nut u know.. anyway because of the rewind things of past occur.. another feeling inside my heart seem to be growing rapidly.. the feeling of "Missing the day in M'sia".. what am i going to do.. i've been focusing here.. concentrating every moment.. but the interfering of my inner sense is getting so tough till i can't bear it alone.. i really wish i can go through it faster.. it's truly suffocating.. the feeling of fallen into the depth endless bottom of an ocean.. is true it's a tough situation.. especially for those who a born naturally an idiot at swimming.. that's ME.. drown me drown me please.......